{"id":41,"date":"2006-12-12T10:38:36","date_gmt":"2006-12-12T09:38:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/?page_id=41"},"modified":"2016-04-29T19:15:47","modified_gmt":"2016-04-29T18:15:47","slug":"short-quotes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/short-quotes\/","title":{"rendered":"Hundreds of Short Quotes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><small><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If you have nothing, are you a nillionaire?<\/li>\n<li>If I eat myself, will I get twice as big, or disappear completely?<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t go through life. GROW through life.<\/li>\n<li>Turning up the volume is like zooming in, but with sound.<\/li>\n<li>Without data you are just another guy with opinions.<\/li>\n<li>I want to live in a world where a chicken can cross a road without its motives being questioned.<\/li>\n<li>Typo&#8217;s aren&#8217;t my biggest problem &#8211; Thinko&#8217;s are.\n<li>Razors pain you, Rivers are damp, Acids stain you, And drugs cause cramp, Guns aren&#8217;t lawful, Nooses give, Gas smells awful, You might as well live.\n<li>As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn&#8217;t there. He wasn&#8217;t there again today. I wish, I wish he&#8217;d stay away.\n<li>See the happy moron, He doesn&#8217;t give a damn. I wish I were a moron, My God! Perhaps I am!\n<li>I have something to say, it&#8217;s better to die young, than to fade away. &#8212; Highlander\n<li>Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. &#8212; C.S. Lewis\n<li>I used to have a drinking problem. Now I love the stuff.\n<li>Let your day be neither manic nor volcanic.\n<li>Remember to keep your feet on the ground or you will fall over &#8212; William Dawson\n<li>My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn&#8217;t.\n<li>I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!\n<li>Some people are alive only because it&#8217;s illegal to kill them.\n<li>I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.\n<li>Don&#8217;t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.\n<li>You&#8217;re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.\n<li>Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.\n<li>Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.\n<li>I&#8217;m not a complete idiot &#8212; Some parts are missing.\n<li>Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.\n<li>God must love stupid people; He made so many.\n<li>The gene pool could use a little chlorine.\n<li>Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.\n<li>Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?\n<li>I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?\n<li>A hangover is the wrath of grapes.\n<li>Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!\n<li>They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.\n<li>He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.\n<li>A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.\n<li>Ham and eggs. A day&#8217;s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.\n<li>The trouble with life is there&#8217;s no background music.\n<li>The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.\n<li>I smile because I don&#8217;t know what the hell is going on.\n<li>Attitude is infectious&#8230; Is yours worth catching?\n<li>Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.\n<li>Linux is like a wigwam. No Windows, no Gates and Apache inside!\n<li>I don&#8217;t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.\n<li>Death and Taxes\n<li>&#8220;Go Home and be a Family Man!&#8221; Guile, Street Fighter 2\n<li>Two wrongs don&#8217;t make a right, but three lefts do.\n<li> Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes\n<li>&#8220;In theory, theory is the same as practice, but not in practice.&#8221; Fnord Bj\u00ef\u00bf\u00bdrnberger\n<li> &#8220;I&#8217;ve spent loads on booze and women, and I frittered the rest away&#8221;. (Ian Todd).\n<li> It&#8217;s like this; even samurai have teddy bears, and even teddy bears get drunk.\n<li> I did take a gap-year but I failed and re-sat (Ian Todd).\n<li> &#8220;This is the sort of English up with which I will not put&#8221;. (Winston Churchill)\n<li> Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?\n<li> There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don&#8217;t &#8230;\n<li> Black holes are where God divided by zero.\n<li> Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks!\n<li> All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.\n<li> Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.\n<li> I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.\n<li> OK, so what&#8217;s the speed of dark?\n<li> How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?\n<li> Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle\n<li> If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.\n<li> Support bacteria &#8211; they&#8217;re the only culture some people have.\n<li> Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.\n<li> When everything&#8217;s coming your way, you&#8217;re in the wrong lane.\n<li> Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.\n<li> Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.\n<li> Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don&#8217;t have film.\n<li> Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.\n<li> I intend to live forever &#8211; so far, so good.\n<li> Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.\n<li> Eagles may soar, but weasels don&#8217;t get sucked into jet engines.\n<li> If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.\n<li> 24 hours in a day &#8230; 24 beers in a case &#8230;  coincidence?\n<li> Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.\n<li> When I&#8217;m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.\n<li> Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?\n<li> What happens if you get scared half to death twice?\n<li> I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.\n<li> I couldn&#8217;t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.\n<li> If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.\n<li> If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn&#8217;t for you.\n<li> A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.\n<li> Experience is something you don&#8217;t get until just after you need it.\n<li> For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.\n<li> No one is listening until you make a mistake.\n<li> Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.\n<li> The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.\n<li> The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.\n<li> The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.\n<li> To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.\n<li> Two wrongs are only the beginning.\n<li> You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.\n<li> The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.\n<li> Monday is an awful way to spend 1\/7th of your life.\n<li> The sooner you fall behind, the more time you&#8217;ll have to catch up.\n<li> A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.\n<li> If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you&#8217;ve never tried before.\n<li> Change is inevitable&#8230;  except from vending machines.\n<li> A fool and his money are soon partying.\n<li> Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.\n<li> If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.\n<li> I&#8217;d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.\n<li> Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.\n<li> Borrow money from pessimists &#8211; they don&#8217;t expect it back.\n<li> Half the people you know are below average.\n<li> 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.\n<li> 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.\n<li> A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.\n<li> There is no failure except in no longer trying.\n<li> Think you can, think you can&#8217;t &#8211; either way you&#8217;re right.\n<li> Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.\n<li> Focus on the goal not the obstacles\n<li> Encourage the genius in everyone you meet.\n<li> If one is lucky, a single fantasy can totally transform a million realities.\n<li> All mans&#8217; troubles arise from his inability to sit quietly alone.\n<li> Humour is mankinds&#8217; greatest blessing.\n<li> Nothing is worth more than this day.\n<li> It&#8217;s a thinking universe.\n<li> There&#8217;s a lot to be said for breathing.\n<li> Things should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.  &#8212; Albert Einstein\n<li> I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed&#8230;\n<li> If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, consider an exciting career as a guillotine operator!\n<li> Women libbers are ok.  I just wouldn&#8217;t want my sister to marry one.\n<li> Of all the things I&#8217;ve lost, I miss my mind the most.\n<li> There are two major products to come out of Berekley:  LSD and UNIX. We don&#8217;t believe this to be a coincidence.\n<li> He looked at me at though I were a side dish he hadn&#8217;t ordered.\n<li> Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman&#8230;  &#8212; Woody Allen\n<li> If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?\n<li> I don&#8217;t like spinach, and I&#8217;m glad I don&#8217;t, because if I liked it I&#8217;d eat it, and I just hate it.  &#8212; Clarence Darrow\n<li> To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.\n<li> Everybody wants to see justice done, to somebody else.  &#8212; Bruce Cockburn\n<li> Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.\n<li> God is real, unless declared as an integer.\n<li> Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it&#8217;s 100% fatal.\n<li> Camouflage condoms:  So they won&#8217;t see you coming.\n<li> The meek shall inherit the earth&#8212;they are too weak to refuse.\n<li> Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.\n<li> Happiness:  The agreeable sensation of contemplating the misery of others.\n<li> Death is life&#8217;s way of telling you you&#8217;ve been fired.  &#8212; R. Geis\n<li> Hindsight is an exact science.\n<li> That must be wonderful!  I don&#8217;t understand it at all.\n<li> One planet is all you get.\n<li> Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.\n<li> Be different:  Conform.\n<li> If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.\n<li> Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.\n<li> If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.\n<li> Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.\n<li> There&#8217;s no future in time travel.\n<li> There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.\n<li> He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn&#8217;t ordered.\n<li> Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.\n<li> Just because you&#8217;re paranoid doesn&#8217;t mean they AREN&#8217;T after you.\n<li> Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.\n<li> Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  &#8220;Yes&#8221; is the answer.\n<li> Omit needless words.  &#8212; Strunk and White\n<li> It was as small as the hope in a dead man&#8217;s eyes.\n<li> An armed society is a polite society.\n<li> I&#8217;m not bad, I&#8217;m just drawn that way.  &#8212; Jessica Rabbit\n<li> &#8220;How do you feel?  &#8220;I don&#8217;t understand the question.\n<li> Unix:  When you can&#8217;t afford the very best.\n<li> I only changed one line and it was a comment&#8230;\n<li> Eunichs:  The operating system for real men.\n<li> Misfortune, n.  The kind of fortune that never misses.\n<li> Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.\n<li> No matter where you go, there you are.\n<li> When I was young, all I wanted was to be ruler of the universe.  Now that isn&#8217;t enough.\n<li> Fools!  Idiots!  Don&#8217;t they realize that they are dealing with forces beyond comprehension!\n<li> Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.\n<li> If it ain&#8217;t fixed, don&#8217;t broke it!\n<li> Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.\n<li> When you asked me to live in sin with you, I didn&#8217;t know you meant sloth.\n<li> This is MY universe and I&#8217;m SICK of people BARGING IN!\n<li> Entropy isn&#8217;t what it used to be.\n<li> Any errors in spelling, tact or fact are transmission errors.\n<li> Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.\n<li> An Apple-a-day takes my credit card away.\n<li> Chief weapons of UNIX:  Fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency.\n<li> Are you ABNORMAL?  Then you are probably better than most people\n<li> A day without sunshine is like night.\n<li> College is a fountain of knowledge&#8230;and the students are there to drink.\n<li> IBM: It may be slow, but it&#8217;s hard to use.\n<li> Photons have mass?  I didn&#8217;t know they were catholic!\n<li> Walt Disney is not dead.  He&#8217;s in suspended animation.\n<li> The use of &#8216;goto&#8217; statements is discouraged, especially with the label HELL:\n<li> If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.\n<li> I haven&#8217;t lost my mind;  I&#8217;m sure it&#8217;s backed up on tape somewhere!\n<li> Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?\n<li> Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.\n<li> Minds are like parachutes &#8211; they only function when open.\n<li> Better to Trade Knowledge than Something of Value.\n<li> [Warning on knife]:  Caution.  Blade is sharp.  Keep out of children.\n<li> Hello!  I&#8217;m a signature virus.  Join in the fun and copy me into yours!\n<li> Thought for the day:  What if there were no hypothetical situations?\n<li> Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.\n<li> Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)\n<li> I own my own body, but I share.\n<li> Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew.\n<li> You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.\n<li> Photons have mass?  I didn&#8217;t even know they were Catholic.\n<li> I&#8217;d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.\n<li> Two wrongs don&#8217;t make a right, but three rights make a left.\n<li> Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.\n<li> Just when you think you&#8217;ve finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.\n<li> Knock.  Don&#8217;t ring bell.\n<li> It&#8217;s a small world, but I wouldn&#8217;t want to paint it.\n<li> Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.\n<li> Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.\n<li> Save a tree.  Eat a beaver.\n<li> Conscious is when you are aware of something, and conscience is when you wish you weren&#8217;t.\n<li> Wanted, Dead or Alive: Schrodinger&#8217;s Cat.\n<li> San Diego: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.\n<li> My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air.  Of course, you have<br \/>\n  to have low ceilings for this method to work.<\/p>\n<li> Roses are red \/ Violets are blue \/ Some poems rhyme \/ But this one doesn&#8217;t.\n<li> Why doesn&#8217;t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?\n<li> It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.\n<li> The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.\n<li> I bought a portable cable TV.\n<li> It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.\n<li> I drink to make other people interesting.\n<li> Here&#8217;s to our wives and girlfriends&#8230;may they never meet!\n<li> Those are my principles. If you don&#8217;t like them I have others.\n<li> I&#8217;ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn&#8217;t it.\n<li> Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  &#8212; H. L. Mencken\n<li> Even a mosquito doesn&#8217;t get a slap on the back until it starts to work.\n<li> You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.\n<li> Work 8 hours, sleep 8 hours; but not the same 8 hours.\n<li> Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.\n<li> The speed of time is one second per second.\n<li> I won&#8217;t have a battle of wits, I&#8217;m unarmed.\n<li> If P is prime, is P&#8217; prime prime?\n<li> Solution to two of the world&#8217;s problems:  Feed the homeless to the hungry.\n<li> The other day I went to the stationery store, but it had moved.\n<li> If I&#8217;d Shot You Sooner, I&#8217;d Be Out of Jail by Now.\n<li> ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.\n<li> Practice safe government&#8212;use kingdoms.\n<li> Your mother&#8217;s so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.\n<li> Will your answer to this question be no?\n<li> Love is like pi&#8212;natural, irrational, and VERY important.\n<li> Always go to other people&#8217;s funerals, otherwise they won&#8217;t come to yours.\n<li> A toast to bread, for without bread, there could be no toast.\n<li> Marriage isn&#8217;t a word, it&#8217;s a sentence.\n<li> Bachelors know more about women than married men.  If they didn&#8217;t, they would be married too.\n<li> I never knew what true happiness was till I got married. And then it was too late.\n<li> It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.\n<li> Oh, don&#8217;t mind the tree monsters.  Their bark is worse than their bite.\n<li> &#8220;I see!&#8221;, said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.\n<li> It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.\n<li> This is a one line proof&#8230;if we start sufficiently far to the left.\n<li> Inside this fat body there&#8217;s a skinny person screaming to get out.  I ate her.\n<li> &#8220;The prince wants your daughter for his wife.&#8221; &#8220;Well, tell him his wife can&#8217;t have her.&#8221;\n<li> Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin&#8230; &#8212; The Knights Who So Recently Said &#8220;Nee!&#8221;\n<li> You simply MUST stop taking advice from other people.\n<li> Time is nature&#8217;s way of keeping everything from happening all at once.\n<li> Entropy isn&#8217;t what it used to be.\n<li> Do not regret growing old; many are denied the privilege.\n<li> Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.\n<li> Don&#8217;t knock masturbation&#8212;it&#8217;s sex with someone I love.  &#8212; Woody Allen\n<li> When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.  &#8212; A. Rand\n<li> Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.  &#8212; Ellen Hubbard\n<li> In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is.\n<li> In capitalism, man exploits man.  In Communism, it&#8217;s exactly the opposite.\n<li> If God didn&#8217;t want us to eat animals, then how come he made them out of meat?\n<li> Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you&#8217;re a mile away and you have his shoes.\n<li> God is in every man, just as the sacred Pink Invisible Unicorn grazes in every man&#8217;s soul, providing compost for new flowers to feed on.\n<li> Those of you who think that you know everything are particularly annoying to those of us who do.\n<li> I am Homer of the Borg.  You will be assimilated.  Resistance is irrelevant. Preparation is irrel&#8230;MMMmmm&#8230;doughnut!\n<li> Insanity runs in my family.  It practically gallops.\n<li> If it&#8217;s not one thing, it&#8217;s your mother.\n<li> Of all victories the first and greatest is for a man to conquer himself.\n<li> Happiness is having a chitinous exoskeleton.\n<li> When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.  &#8212; Griffin&#8217;s Thought\n<li> A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.\n<li> Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.\n<li> Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.\n<li> My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.\n<li> Her kisses left something to be desired &#8212; the rest of her.\n<li> Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.\n<li> Always try to do things in chronological order; it&#8217;s less confusing that way.\n<li> The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs.\n<li> The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.\n<li> It&#8217;s hard to make a program foolproof because fools are so ingenious.\n<li> Nuke the unborn gay whales for Jesus!\n<li> I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they&#8217;ve always worked for me.\n<li> Sacred cows make the best hamburger.  &#8212; Mark Twain\n<li> &#8220;Time&#8217;s fun when you&#8217;re having flies.&#8221;  &#8212; Kermit the Frog\n<li> Of all the people I know, you&#8217;re one of them.\n<li> Wisdom and beauty form a very rare combination\n<li> The wise learn many things from their enemies.\n<li> The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead.\n<li> I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.\n<li> A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.\n<li> Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.\n<li> You can observe a lot by watching.\n<li> Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.\n<li> Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum &#8212; &#8220;I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.&#8221;\n<li> Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the fool their lack of understanding.\n<li> Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.\n<li> Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.\n<li> The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.\n<li> I will tell you the truth as soon as I figure it out.\n<li> Knowledge and belief are two separate tracks that run parallel to each other and never meet, except in the child.\n<li> To use a method is to compare the realm of mind to a stool. The true thinker walks freely.\n<li> I was educated once, and it took me years to get over it.\n<li> In order to keep an open mind, I am trying to avoid learning anything.\n<li> Maybe I&#8217;m lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.\n<li> Today&#8217;s children are required to learn what most people in former times were forbidden to know.\n<li> Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.\n<li> Good judgement comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement.\n<li> Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.\n<li> It costs to be stupid. The stupider you are, the more it costs.\n<li> A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword.\n<li> Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.\n<li> A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.\n<li> Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.\n<li> A man lives by believing in something, not by debating and arguing about many things.\n<li> Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain &#8212; and most fools do.\n<li> Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know.\n<li> The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.\n<li> There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.\n<li> If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there&#8217;s a finite number of idiots.\n<li> Style is an easy way of saying complicated things.\n<li> You are only as wise as others perceive you to be.\n<li> When you have nothing to say, say nothing.\n<li> A man who has committed a mistake and doesn&#8217;t correct it, is committing another mistake.\n<li> I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.\n<li> To know is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge.\n<li> Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?\n<li> A fool must now and then be right by chance.\n<li> Learning is the evolution of the mind.\n<li> Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.\n<li> Never stop learning; knowledge doubles every fourteen months.\n<li> If you never change your mind, why have one?\n<li> Education is a progressive discovery of our ignorance.\n<li> Imagination is more important than knowledge.\n<li> It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.\n<li> The important thing is not to stop questioning.\n<li> The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.\n<li> Every man I meet is in some way my superior.\n<li> People only see what they are prepared to see.\n<li> Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.\n<li> The wise through excess of wisdom is made a fool.\n<li> We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.\n<li> In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he learns most.\n<li> Do two wrongs make a right? Yes. The right to be wrong.\n<li> He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.\n<li> Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.\n<li> You must be the change you wish to see in the world.\n<li> Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.\n<li> It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.\n<li> To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.\n<li> Everybody wants to see justice done, to somebody else.  &#8212; Bruce Cockburn\n<li> Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.\n<li> God is real, unless declared as an integer.\n<li> Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it&#8217;s 100% fatal.\n<li> Camouflage condoms:  So they won&#8217;t see you coming.\n<li> The meek shall inherit the earth&#8212;they are too weak to refuse.\n<li> Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.\n<li> Happiness:  The agreeable sensation of contemplating the misery of others.\n<li> Death is life&#8217;s way of telling you you&#8217;ve been fired.  &#8212; R. Geis\n<li> That must be wonderful!  I don&#8217;t understand it at all.\n<li> One planet is all you get.\n<li> Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.\n<li> Be different:  Conform.\n<li> A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.\n<li> Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.\n<li> Diplomacy is the art of saying &#8220;nice doggy&#8221; until you can find a rock.\n<li> Acid:  Better living through chemistry.\n<li> There&#8217;s no future in time travel.\n<li> Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra!\n<li> Don&#8217;t feed the bats tonight.\n<li> Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.\n<li> Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.\n<li> Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so!  &#8212; Ford Prefect\n<li> I&#8217;m not bad, I&#8217;m just drawn that way.  &#8212; Jessica Rabbit\n<li> Computer:  &#8220;How do you feel?&#8221;  Spock:  &#8220;I don&#8217;t understand the question.&#8221;\n<li> The difference between &#8216;involvement&#8217; and &#8216;commitment&#8217; is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was involved&#8217; &#8211; the pig was &#8216;committed&#8217;.\n<li> Right now I&#8217;m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I&#8217;ve forgotten this before.\n<li> If your parents never had children, chances are you won&#8217;t either.\n<li> if i promise to miss you ,will u please go away.\n<li> If you can&#8217;t live without me, why aren&#8217;t you dead already?\n<li> Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.\n<li> Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.\n<li> I think I exist, therefore i exist- I think.\n<li> Don&#8217;t even think about mooning a werewolf!\n<li> If you want to find low interest rates, pop into a lecture.\n<li> Wasting time doesn&#8217;t make difference to eternity.\n<li> A man is a God in ruins.\n<li> A man is a little soul carrying around a corpse.\n<li> Don&#8217;t waist your youth growing up.\n<li> Everybody laughs in the same language.\n<li> Even though it&#8217;s hard, it&#8217;s easy.\n<li> Money is round and rolls away.\n<li> There&#8217;s a bit of God in Everything!\n<li> Just because you haven&#8217;t seen a white blackbird doesn&#8217;t mean one doesn&#8217;t exist.\n<li> If I were a haircut, People would wear a hat!\n<li> Spring is nature&#8217;s way of saying &#8220;Lets Party&#8221;\n<li> The future has a way of arriving unannounced!\n<li> Life, Relevance, Friends\n<li> Modern art is a matter of not understanding what can&#8217;t be understood.\n<li> Perfection is a myth!\n<li> Death is but a sleep. But it&#8217;s harder to get up in the morning!\n<li> My middle name is luck. It&#8217;s a pity my first name is bad!\n<li> The Earth has Music for those who listen\n<li> Every man stands on the rich earth impaled by a ray of sunlight.\n<li> Wasting time doesn&#8217;t make a difference to eternity!\n<li> A man is a God in ruins!\n<li> Don&#8217;t waste your youth growing up.\n<li> Even though it&#8217;s hard, it&#8217;s easy.\n<li> Everybody laughs in the same language.\n<li> Genius is seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one has thought. &#8212;(Albert Szent-Gyorgy)\n<li> The urge to destroy is a creative urge!\n<li> The only things you regret in life are the risks you didn&#8217;t take\n<li> Mistakes are human. Some humans are mistakes. (Rodrigo)\n<li> Everyone&#8217;s so nice, well except when their being horrible\n<li> WELL HELL\n<li> Thank god for the Atlantic ocean!\n<li> University is when you get excited when mum says she&#8217;ll give you a lovely juicy joint for Sunday lunch.\n<li> There are never any shortcuts to a place worth going.\n<li> Some jobs worth doing aren&#8217;t worth doing well.\n<li> The best way to win an argument is to begin by being right.\n<li> No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.\n<li> If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn\n<li> The nice thing about egotists is that they don&#8217;t talk about other people.\n<li> If you haven&#8217;t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.\n<li> My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.\n<li> Knowing is a barrier to learning.\n<li> If it wasn&#8217;t for bad luck I wouldn&#8217;t have any luck at all.\n<li> Bar-Humbug said the hum when introducing the bar to the bug.\n<li> Money makes the world go round; Loves spins it the right way.\n<li> I flew 142 missions, got shot down in every one of them.\n<li> I&#8217;m only happy when it rains. Pour your misery down.\n<li> Hack the planet\n<li> We like girls because they&#8217;ve all got so much in common.\n<li> The meaning of life is to find the meaning of life.\n<li> When I was young and said I wanted to be a comedian people laughed at me. But look whose laughing now.\n<li> There are no such things as strangers only friends that we have not yet met.\n<li> Nuke a gay whale for Christ.\n<li> I&#8217;m sure I take rowing too seriously by many peoples standard; but they are not rowing people.\n<li> When will I learn? The answers to life&#8217;s problems aren&#8217;t at the bottom of a bottle, they&#8217;re on TV!\n<li> Everyone stands on the heart of the earth impaled by a ray of sunlight and suddenly it&#8217;s evening.\n<li> There&#8217;s nothing wrong with building dream castles as long as you don&#8217;t live in them.\n<li> A man is a little soul carrying around a corpse.\n<li> If you say my eyes are beautiful that&#8217;s because there looking at you.\n<li> You can trust Americans to do the right thing, after they have tried every other alternative (Winston Churchill).\n<li> Who cares if I&#8217;m fat, my body just carries my brain and my brain deserves a comfortable ride.\n<li> Make a cake, Plant a plant, get drunk\n<li> Only losers use drugs. Only users lose drugs.\n<li> Paint a little pig.\n<li> Money is round and rolls away.\n<li> Poems are made by fools like me, but only God can make a tree.\n<li> I am alpha and omega, I am the beginning and the end, I am the first and the last.\n<li> I don&#8217;t get wet I grow said the drip.\n<li> Summer is a moving creature which likes to go south for winter.\n<li> How now brown cow?\n<li> Hey, lighten up man. You calling me fat?\n<li> &#8220;Liberals, intellectuals, peace mongers, idiots&#8221; &#8212; Mars Attacks\n<li> &#8220;Got an alarm, don&#8217;t eat pork. I&#8217;m a better man.&#8221; &#8212; Mars Attacks\n<li> &#8220;Nuke &#8217;em now sir&#8221; &#8212; Mars Attacks\n<li> &#8220;They blew up congress, ha ha&#8221; &#8212; Mars Attacks\n<li> &#8220;We have to strike now sir, annhilate, Kill, Kill, Kill&#8221; &#8212; Mars Attacks\n<li> &#8220;We don&#8217;t care cos we&#8217;ve got these shoes and this hat.&#8221; &#8212; Kiniky\n<li> The greatest trick the devil played was convincing the world he didn&#8217;t exist.\n<li> Mind over matter, if you don&#8217;t mind, it doesn&#8217;t matter.\n<li> Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.\n<li> Sure, God created man before women but you always make a draft before the final masterpiece.\n<li> I don&#8217;t suffer from stress, I&#8217;m a carrier.\n<li> Your so vain you probably think this song is about you.\n<li> I love you from the heart of my bottom.\n<li> Are you a cunning linguist?\n<li> My stomach feels like my throat has been cut.\n<li> I don&#8217;t do eating (Ally Mcbeal)\n<li> We are out there, We control the information, We are the Knights of the internet, We are Hackers.\n<li> There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don&#8217;t care who gets the credit.\n<li> No matter where you go, there you are.  &#8212; Buckaroo Banzai.\n<li> Isn&#8217;t fun like the best thing to have ever?  &#8212; Arthur\n<li> When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?\n<li> A day without sunshine is like night.\n<li> A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.\n<li> It is truly written that a man has five times as many fingers as ears, but only twice as many ears as noses.\n<li> You can&#8217;t win.  You can&#8217;t break even.  You can&#8217;t even quit the game.\n<li> If you had everything, where would you keep it?\n<li> Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.\n<li> If you hear an onion ring, answer it.\n<li> Women:  Can&#8217;t live with &#8217;em, can&#8217;t shoot &#8217;em&#8230;\n<li> [Warning on knife]:  Caution.  Blade is sharp.  Keep out of children.\n<li> Why don&#8217;t cannibals eat clowns?  Because they taste funny.\n<li> Someone put live piranha in our swimming pool. If we don&#8217;t swim there anymore, the piranha will starve.\n<li> Shouldn&#8217;t there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?\n<li> PALINDROME spelled backwards is EMORDNILAP.\n<li> Introducing &#8220;lite&#8221;, the new way to spell &#8220;light&#8221;, with 20% fewer letters!\n<li> I own my own body, but I share.\n<li> You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.\n<li> I&#8217;d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.\n<li> Humans were invented by water for transporting it uphill.\n<li> &#8220;Years wrinkle the face, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.&#8221;  &#8211;Watterson Lowe\n<li> &#8220;I just hate health food.&#8221; &#8211;Julia Child\n<li> &#8220;Seeing is deceiving. It&#8217;s eating that&#8217;s believing.&#8221; &#8211;James Thurber\n<li> &#8220;Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.&#8221;  &#8211;Rudyard Kipling\n<li> &#8220;do it now. There may be a law against it tomorrow.&#8221; &#8211;Laurence Peter\n<li> &#8220;Life is always at some turning point.&#8221; &#8211;Irwin Edman\n<li> &#8220;Anybody who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.&#8221;  &#8211;attributed to Samuel Goldwyn\n<li> &#8220;Adventure is worthwhile in itself.&#8221; &#8211;Amelia Earhart\n<li> &#8220;Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.&#8221; &#8211;Condorcet\n<li> &#8220;Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.&#8221; &#8211;David Lodge\n<li> &#8220;Never have children, only grandchildren.&#8221; &#8211;Gore Vidal\n<li> &#8220;Worry is as useless as a handle on a snowball.&#8221; &#8211;Mitzi Chandler\n<li> &#8220;The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.&#8221; &#8211;H. G. Wells\n<li> &#8220;Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.&#8221; &#8211;Arabian proverb\n<li> &#8220;Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.&#8221; &#8211;Lillian Ross\n<li> &#8220;It is now, and in this world, that we must live.&#8221; &#8211;Andre Gide\n<li> &#8220;I think, what has this day brought me, and what have I given it?&#8221; &#8211;Henry Moore\n<li> &#8220;It is enough that I am of value to somebody today.&#8221; &#8211;Hugh Prather\n<li> &#8220;It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis.&#8221; &#8211;Margaret Bonnano\n<li> &#8220;I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.&#8221; &#8211;Ralph Waldo Emerson\n<li> &#8220;In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion&#8230;&#8221; &#8211;Albert Camus\n<li> &#8220;Take away leisure and Cupid&#8217;s bow is broken.&#8221; &#8211;Ovid\n<li> &#8220;For a thing to remain undone nothing more is needed than to think of it done.&#8221; &#8211;Gracian\n<li> &#8220;The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.&#8221; &#8211;Elbert Hubbard\n<li> &#8220;Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.&#8221; &#8211;John F. Kennedy\n<li> &#8220;A man&#8217;s worth is no greater than his ambitions.&#8221; &#8211;Marcus Aurelius\n<li> &#8220;Happiness is composed of misfortunes avoided.&#8221; &#8211;Alphonse Karr\n<li> &#8220;A man should always consider&#8230; how much more unhappy he might be than he is.&#8221; &#8211;Joseph Addison\n<li> &#8220;Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.&#8221; &#8211;Irving Berlin\n<li> &#8220;Knock the &#8216;t&#8217; off the &#8216;can&#8217;t'&#8221; &#8211;George Reeves\n<li> &#8220;It is never too late to be what you might have been.&#8221; &#8211;George Eliot\n<li> &#8220;Sainthood is acceptable only in saints.&#8221; &#8211;Pamela Hansford Johnson\n<li> &#8220;The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.&#8221; &#8211;Ellen Glasgow\n<li> &#8220;There seemed to be endless obstacles . . . it seemed that the root cause of them all was fear.&#8221; &#8211;Joanna Field\n<li> &#8220;Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that ideas is not quite clear to him.&#8221; &#8211;Paul Eldridge\n<li> &#8220;Learn what you are and be such.&#8221; &#8211;Pindar\n<li> &#8220;If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.&#8221; &#8211;Goethe\n<li> &#8220;If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?&#8221; &#8211;Harvey Fierstein\n<li> &#8220;From a fallen tree, make kindling.&#8221;&#8211;Spanish proverb\n<li> Some pursue happiness ? others create it.\n<li> &#8220;Fools look to tomorrow; wise men use tonight.&#8221; &#8211;Scottish proverb\n<li> A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.\n<li> &#8220;Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.&#8221; &#8211;Christopher Morely\n<li> &#8220;The only problems money can solve are money problems.&#8221; &#8211;Laurence Peter\n<li> &#8220;Money costs too much.&#8221; &#8211;Ross McDonald\n<li> &#8220;Walk groundly, talk profoundly, drink roundly, sleep soundly.&#8221;  &#8211;William Hazlitt\n<li> &#8220;It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.&#8221; &#8211;Brigitte Bardot\n<li> &#8220;I don&#8217;t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.&#8221;  &#8211;Bill Cosby\n<li> &#8220;That money talks \/ I&#8217;ll not deny, \/ I heard it once: \/ It said, &#8216;Goodbye.&#8217; &#8220;&#8211;Richard Armour\n<li> My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she&#8217;s 97 years old and we don&#8217;t know where the hell she is.\n<li> I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven&#8217;t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.\n<li> I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I&#8217;m doing.\n<li> I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.\n<li> I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.\n<li> The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.\n<li> If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.\n<li> I don&#8217;t exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.\n<li> &#8220;This isn&#8217;t fat, it&#8217;s muscle waiting to happen&#8221;.\n<li> &#8220;Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts.&#8221;  &#8211;Coleman Cox\n<li> &#8220;When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.&#8221; &#8211;Louis Nizer\n<li> &#8220;Using chopsticks rather than cutlery, is like using vi as a text editor&#8221; &#8211;Ed Avis\n<li> Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath, fire my spirit\n<li> Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.\n<li> If you were a burger at McDonalds, I&#8217;d call you McBeautiful.\n<li> My beds broken, can I sleep in yours?\n<li> Can I have a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.\n<li> &#8220;This is a breakthrough for Art &#8211; I think&#8221; &#8212; H.G. Nelson\n<li> &#8220;You can tune a guitar, but you can&#8217;t tuna fish.&#8221;\n<li> Poverty stole your golden shoes \/ It didn&#8217;t steal your laughter\n<li> Why reinvent the wheel? Because we can make it rounder&#8230;\n<li> It&#8217;s a moo point. Like a cow&#8217;s opinion. It just\u00c2\u2026 doesn&#8217;t matter\u00c2\u2026. It&#8217;s moo.\n<li> Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your copy of Windows\n<li> Born Again Pagan\n<li> Jesus, protect me from your followers!\n<li> It&#8217;s not the heat, it&#8217;s the humanity\n<li> All things in moderation &#8211; especially moderation.\n<li> Truth, justice and &#8212; other stuff\n<li> I must confess, I was born at a very early age.\n<li> The instructions said to use Windows 98 or better &#8211; so I installed FreeBSD.\n<li> &#8220;I have an inferiority complex, but it isn&#8217;t a very good one.&#8221;\n<li> &#8220;Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn&#8217;t go away&#8221; pkd\n<li> Every silver lining has a cloud.\n<li> Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.\n<li> Forecast for tonight: Dark.\n<li> It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.\n<li> Whatever doesn&#8217;t kill me can still bloody hurt.\n<li> I&#8217;m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?\n<li> Baby carrots &#8211; vegetarian veal\n<li> Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once&#8230;\n<li> If it weren&#8217;t for the last minute, nothing would get done.\n<li> Those who live by the sword get shot.\n<li> You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.\n<li> We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.\n<li> How do I set my laser printer on stun?\n<li> How is it possible to have a civil war?\n<li> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?\n<li> Why is it called tourist season if we can&#8217;t shoot at them?\n<li> Welcome to Hell! Here&#8217;s your copy of Windows.\n<li> &#8220;My Lord, I have a cunning plan.&#8221;\n<li> Old hitchhikers never die-they just throw in the towel.\n<li> 42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!\n<li> When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers.\n<li> A friend&#8217;s eye is a good mirror.\n<li> Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.\n<li> The reverse side also has a reverse side.\n<li> A dry sense of humour is better than slobbering everywhere.\n<li> Lottery: A tax on people who don&#8217;t understand statistics.\n<li> &#8220;Calm down. It&#8217;s only ones and zeros.&#8221;\n<li> Computers can never replace human stupidity\n<li> Experience: What you get when you don&#8217;t get what you want\n<li> This message may contain nuts.\n<li> You&#8217;re unique &#8211; just like everyone else\n<li> it is because giants were standing on my shoulders\n<li> Think bigger &#8211; you can&#8217;t cross a chasm in two jumps.\n<li> You can call it a wizard once it can do bloody magic!\n<li> You&#8217;re not drunk if you can lie flat on the floor without holding on\n<li> We&#8217;ll burn that bridge when we come to it\n<li> Never laugh at live dragons\n<li> Gravity: It&#8217;s not just a good idea, it&#8217;s the LAW!\n<li> People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.\n<li> If I save the whales, where do I keep them?\n<li> Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.\n<li> Gates&#8217; Law: The speed of software halves every eighteen months\n<li> I&#8217;m gonna live forever, or die trying.\n<li> An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.\n<li> I love deadlines. I love the swooshing sound they make as they fly by\n<li> Bright and Early &#8211; choose one\n<li> OK, I&#8217;m weird, but I&#8217;m saving up to be eccentric.\n<li> Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder\n<li> This message has been cruelly tested on cute little furry animals.\n<li> Write once, debug everywhere\n<li> I&#8217;m not as thunk as you drink I am\n<li> Alcohol &#8211; it&#8217;s in the blood\n<li> One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.\n<li> Never judge a man by his taglines.\n<li> Veni, Vidi, Velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.\n<li> Veni, Vidi, Deja Vu: I came, I saw, I&#8217;d been there before.\n<li> Overweight is when you step on your dog&#8217;s tail, and it dies.\n<li> A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.\n<li> Ghandi would have smacked you in the head.\n<li> Windows is a colorful clown suit for DOS.\n<li> THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules.\n<li> There ain&#8217;t no party like an IC party.\n<li> Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.\n<li> Never eat a hedgehog without peeling it first.\n<li> I don&#8217;t have a drink problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall over. No problem.\n<li> The early worm gets the bird.\n<li> Reality: A disease caused by alcohol deficiency.\n<li> It&#8217;s easier to get forgiveness than permission.\n<li> &#8220;My homework ate my dog.&#8221; &#8211; Genetics student.\n<li> Love thy neighbour, but don&#8217;t get caught.\n<li> 100,000 lemmings can&#8217;t be wrong.\n<li> All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can&#8217;t make me happy.\n<li> You&#8217;ll never be half the man your mother was.\n<li> Poker rules supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.\n<li> I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.\n<li> Seen it all, done it all, can&#8217;t remember most of it.\n<li> Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?\n<li> Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.\n<li> &#8220;Oh, bother!&#8221; said Pooh as Piglet fell in the mincer.\n<li> &#8220;The chance of death improves all sports.&#8221;  &#8211; Kevin Tarr\n<li>&#8220;Something was wrong with my rice crispies the other day.  i  distinctly heard &#8216; snap &#8216; &#8216;crackle &#8216; &#8216; fuck you &#8216; &#8221;\n<li>&#8220;Alcohol and calculus don&#8217;t mix.  Never drink and derive.&#8221;\n<li>&#8220;I once tried to fly. It hurt.&#8221; &#8211; Kie\n<li>&#8220;No, really I don&#8217;t harm animals &#8211; but then again this is a<br \/>\npoodle.&#8221;  &#8211; Don Sterner<\/p>\n<li>&#8220;harder than seeing a UFO piloted by Elvis crashing into the Loch Ness<br \/>\n Monster&#8221; &#8211; Neil Barker<\/p>\n<li>&#8220;You can&#8217;t break the laws of physics so you might as well drink<br \/>\nbeer.&#8221; &#8211; Danny Sichel<\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Which, in your opinion, is the greater handicap? Being blond, or<br \/>\nbeing deaf?&#8221; &#8211; Pizzadrivr<\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Anything is possible in a 6-book trilogy.&#8221; &#8211; Greg Pacek\n<li>&#8220;when a woman shows you her middle finger then it does *not* mean she wants to marry you.&#8221; &#8211; Tilman Hausherr\n<li>&#8220;By clever use of a double double negative I&#8217;m sure you could get<br \/>\nsomething positive out of that.&#8221; &#8211; Stuart Bruce<\/p>\n<li>&#8220;On the contrary, I am not picking my nose, I am performing a  boogerectomy.&#8221; &#8211; Unknown\n<li>&#8220;Not all those who wander are lost (J R R Tolkien)&#8221;\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/small><\/p>\n<p><small><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do pilots take crash-courses?\n<li>Why doesn&#8217;t Tarzan have a beard?\n<li>Why do they call it &#8216;chilli&#8217; if it&#8217;s hot?\n<li>Does killing time damage eternity?\n<li>Did Noah keep his bees in archives?\n<li>How do you get off a non-stop flight?\n<li>How can there be self-help &#8220;groups&#8221;?\n<li>Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?\n<li>Why don&#8217;t sheep shrink when it rains?\n<li>Why isn&#8217;t there mouse-flavored cat food?\n<li>Why is it that night falls but day breaks?\n<li>Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?\n<li>If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?\n<li>How many weeks are there in a light year?\n<li>Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?\n<li>How come wrong numbers are never busy?\n<li>How do you write zero in Roman numerals?\n<li>Do Roman paramedics refer to IV&#8217;s as &#8220;4&#8217;s&#8221;?\n<li>Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?\n<li>Why didn&#8217;t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?\n<li>How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?\n<li>Does that screwdriver really belong to Philip?\n<li>Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?\n<li>What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?\n<li>Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?\n<li>Why is it that doctors call what they do &#8220;practice&#8221;?\n<li>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?\n<li>Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?\n<li>Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?\n<li>If cats and dogs didn&#8217;t have fur, would we still pet them?\n<li>Do people in Australia call the rest of the world &#8216;up over&#8217;?\n<li>Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?\n<li>If athletes get athlete&#8217;s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?\n<li>If you can&#8217;t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?\n<li>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?\n<li>If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?\n<li>If Barbie&#8217;s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?\n<li>Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on &#8220;Start&#8221;?\n<li>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?\n<li>Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?\n<li>Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?\n<li>Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?\n<li>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?\n<li>Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?\n<li>If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?\n<li>If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?\n<li>If blind people wear dark glasses, why don&#8217;t deaf people wear earmuffs?\n<li>Day light savings time. Why are they saving it, and where do they keep it?\n<li>Why do the signs that say &#8220;Slow Children&#8221; have a picture of a running child?\n<li>If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?\n<li>If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing &#8220;Happy Birthday&#8221;?\n<li>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?\n<li>Why is it that when you&#8217;re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you have nothing, are you a nillionaire? If I eat myself, will I get twice as big, or disappear completely? Don&#8217;t go through life. GROW through life. Turning up the volume is like zooming in, but with sound. Without data you are just another guy with opinions. I want to live in a world [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":52,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":4,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-41","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/52"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1999,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41\/revisions\/1999"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomfotherby.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}